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Navigating Seasons of Uncertainty (Adoption Update)

Navigating Seasons of Uncertainty (+ Adoption Update) | A Couple Cooks

This Navigating Seasons of Uncertainty post is part of our Healthy and Whole series about embracing a healthy relationship with food. Since so much of that relationship connects to the we embrace life circumstances, navigating uncertain times fits here as well. Also, we wanted to give you an update on our adoption process. Enjoy! Sonja & Alex

Our Story

One Sunday night, we got an email marked Urgent. It was urgent because it had to do with a baby. A little girl who was born and waiting in the hospital. An adoptive family was needed to foster her for one week while conducting a paternity test to determine her eventual home. Depending on the results, she could be our forever daughter. Were we up for it?

Through tears, we agreed absolutely. This was the closest we had gotten to adoption after months of waiting. Since we’d started the process, we’d been matched with two birth mamas. Two times the adoptions fell through right after the baby’s birth. Both were crushing, but at the same time our hearts were full for those mamas, who couldn’t be faulted for parenting their sweet babies. So this time was the third time. Third time’s a charm, right?

After one glorious week with Baby Girl (the name on her birth certificate), we found out it wasn’t meant to be. It hit like a punch in the gut. We hid behind sunglasses to shade our red puffy eyes as we returned her to the adoption agency. Though our everyday was rocked, somehow life continued as usual. Today, we’re thrown back into the uncertainty of waiting, again. 

Want to hear us talk about our adoption journey? Click here to listen, or download the A Couple Cooks Podcast on iTunes or your favorite podcast app and find the episode called “Our Story”.

Liminal What?

Are you in a time of uncertainty? Is one season of your life ending, but the other has not yet begun? If it’s not waiting for a child, maybe it’s your job situation, resolution in a relationship, or an undiagnosed illness. If you feel stuck in a time of uncertainty, you are not alone. This time is normal, and guess what? It even has a name: liminal space.

What is liminal space? According to Google, liminality is the in-between moments, the space between an inciting incident in a story and a resolution. It is often a period of discomfort, of waiting, and of transformation.

That’s exactly where we are. And yes, it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also a season of transformation. If you’re there too, you know it’s difficult to trudge through the everyday. Here are a few survival tips we’ve used to make it through a season of uncertainty in style.

Survival Tips

  1. Name it. Sometimes the most comforting thing during a season of uncertainty is to name it. You’re in the liminal space! And it’s absolutely normal. (After listening to this podcast about life seasons and the liminal space, I gave a sigh of relief. I learned a new word, and it was absolutely fitting to describe my present life phase!)
  2. Circle up. Community is so important, and we feel like we’re crowd surfing on a sea of friends and family during this journey. Texts, calls, and coffee dates have been truly life-giving. Seek out your trusted friends; even though it can be hard to take initiative when you’re hurting, it can be life-saving.
  3. Find a good outlet. Finding a “good” distraction has been an important survival tactic for us in this life stage. For us, it’s been pouring ourselves into healthy cooking and content for this blog and our podcast. For you, this may be cooking new recipes, reading a good novel, writing music or poetry, knitting, programming an app, running a race, or brainstorming a business venture. Things to avoid: tubs of ice cream, excessive alcohol or drugs. Just sayin’.
  4. Have faith. Our faith in God and relationship with Jesus have been the number one thing that keeps us chugging along day by day. Alex and I believe there is a plan for our family, even though it’s taking longer than we thought it might! Wherever you are in your faith journey, taking time to pause, meditate on what you believe, and examine what you are learning in the liminal space is key.

Are you in the liminal space? We’d love to hear about your story, either in the comments below or shoot us an email at acouplecooks at gmail.com. Whatever you’re facing, keep on trucking: we can do this together! And cooking up new, nourishing recipes is always a good distraction :)

 

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28 Comments

  • Reply
    shanna mallon
    October 19, 2016 at 10:20 am

    I think about you guys often and am filled with hope for your growing family. The waiting is so hard! May this period be sweet even in its heartache, and may it end soon. xx

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:44 pm

      Thank you Shanna! You’ve been so constant in all of this. Sending love right back! xxoo

  • Reply
    Emily
    October 19, 2016 at 11:25 am

    I read every single one of your posts and so rarely comment, but posts like these make me stop and pray and wish so much that I could reach out and give you big hugs. Waiting on God and trusting is truly one of the hardest parts of walking with Him. I see the grace and strength He’s given you and that both challenges and encourages me. I somehow missed your IG post about the fostering so I am glad for this update- thanks again for sharing. Love and prayers for you both.

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:46 pm

      This means so much Emily, you are such a kind soul. Sending a hug right back to you! Thank you so much for being such a supporter in this time — it truly means the world.

  • Reply
    Abby @ Heart of a Baker
    October 19, 2016 at 11:56 am

    Was just thinking about you guys and how you were doing, many love and hugs to you! xo

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:46 pm

      Thank you so much, Abby! You are so kind to think of us — sending love and hugs right back!

  • Reply
    Hana
    October 19, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    Oh my, please know that we’re praying for you and wishing you love always. You both are such inspirations and I sincerely hope everything is resolved happily for you soon xx

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:47 pm

      Thank you, Hana! Your prayers mean the world to both of us. xxoo

  • Reply
    Bhairavi Shah
    October 19, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    Hats off to you!

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:47 pm

      Thank you, Bhairavi!

  • Reply
    Ashley
    October 19, 2016 at 4:26 pm

    <3 <3 <3 <3

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:48 pm

      Thank you, friend :)

  • Reply
    Annie
    October 20, 2016 at 8:21 pm

    I too have been thinking of you and what must seem love me a terribly long wait. How fortunate(although heartbreaking for you to have to return her) that the little baby girl was surrounded by your love and tender care during her fragile time. I know you are one step closer to having the baby destined to be part of your family arrive. Supportive thoughts being sent your way💟

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      What a kind thing to say — thank you so much, Annie! We truly appreciate these thoughts, especially about Baby Girl. We were honored to have her in our lives. Thank you for writing! xxooo

  • Reply
    Ale
    October 21, 2016 at 11:53 am

    You’re one step closer! You’ll see.

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      It’s true, even if it’s hard to see now! Thank you, Ale!

  • Reply
    Chris
    October 21, 2016 at 5:29 pm

    What a blessing to that little baby girl, only a week, but you were there for her. Continued prayers as you navigate through.

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:51 pm

      Thank you, Chris! You’ve been such a support in this process. Your encouraging words through the past year have meant so much! :)

  • Reply
    maria
    October 24, 2016 at 4:09 am

    Thinking of you! May God give you all you need to navigate through these times!
    And, yes, I am all to familiar with being in liminal space. I love that it has a name, I didn’t know that!
    My husband and I went through four years of infertility treatments before our beautiful (now four year old) boy was born. It definitely was a very challenging, heartbreaking time in our lives, but also one of the most enriching times. We grew so much closer to each other and to God. Right now I’m experiencing being in liminal space again, as I’m trying to find out what I want to do with my life, careerwise. I have so many interests but narrowing them down is the hardest for me.

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      Ahh, the liminal space! I’m so glad to hear you’ve navigated through it in one sense of your live, though you’re unfortunately back in it again. I hope that it was helpful to you as it was to me to learn it has a name! Prayers that this liminal phase will be fruitful. I’m interested to hear what you’re leaning towards career-wise!!

  • Reply
    Katie @ Whole Nourishment
    October 24, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    You guys are brave and bold and humble. To share your story like this so openly is hard but we get back what we put out. Plus I know you help so many of us have faith and courage in our own struggles too. Big virtual hug!

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      Thank you thank you Katie! You are a champ and your support means the world. I shot you an email to catch up, too! Hugs right back!

  • Reply
    Elise A Gahan
    October 25, 2016 at 9:15 am

    I had heard about the RobCast but hadn’t listened yet – I love it! Thanks for the recommendation! Thanks for being so open about your journey! I’m praying for peace for this journey <3

    • Reply
      Sonja
      October 25, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Absolutely! Let me know what you think after you listen! And thank you SO much for the prayers. :)

  • Reply
    Alix @A Hedgehog in the Kitchen
    October 26, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    Best of luck with your adoption path! I firmly believe there is always a plan too and that things alwyas work out in the end. Hang in there! Stay strong together and you will receive the baby that is meant for you! Sending you lots of love & strength!

    • Reply
      Sonja
      November 4, 2016 at 11:28 am

      Thank you so much for the encouragement! We appreciate it so much :)

  • Reply
    Griff Neilson
    November 7, 2016 at 4:03 pm

    Sending prayers and love to your family. It can be hard being a parent, I’ve personally never had to worry about adoption, but being a father and hearing your story, I can FEEL how tough it is. Hoping everything works out well for you guys, you deserve it! :)

    Also, loved the article and what it teaches! “Liminal” is definitely a word I didn’t know of before! Nobody would argue that being in a liminal stage is uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for change and growth. I believe this is a universal principal, that is largely misunderstood. Thank you for describing it in a way that is easy to understand!

    • Reply
      Sonja
      November 9, 2016 at 3:16 pm

      Griff, thank you so much for the kind thoughts! I didn’t know of liminality before this time either, and it’s been comforting to have a term that describes it. I agree, it’s absolutely necessary for change and growth! Though it’s uncomfortable in the moment, of course :) Thanks for commenting!

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    Happy Cooking! ~ Sonja & Alex